Thursday, December 27, 2012

A Strange Christmas Gift

This is probably not news to most of my readership, which, I'm still not convinced is more than like Shalee and maybe five other people.  However, assuming that this site does have a few other interlopers, I'll go ahead and give my own thoughts on the rather bizarre series of events this past week.

I left town for a few days to go see family in my hometown three hours away.  On my way there, my mother in law was sent to the emergency room and then the ICU for critcally low blood sugar, difficulty breathing, infection, and a host of other complications.  My wife and I raced to deal with this issue.  After attending to those matters, we came to my parents' home where I checked my messages and discovered that my corp was essentially gone.  This was Christmas Eve.  My initial reaction was "Seriously?"  I quickly fired off my own recommendations for how to deal with the situation.

By Christmas afternoon, In Exile was born, I.Law was gone, and people were already beginning to move.  See, for us, it's not about the name.  It's not about the stats.  It's about the people.  And this is why the actions of Sab0tag3 and his little buddy Druiel Druphestos were pretty much an epic failure.  They don't understand that, because that's not how they are wired.  See, when Sab0 tried to pull this nonsense the first time almost a year ago, we kicked him.  We set him red, and that's pretty much how that ended for us.  For the most part, we just moved on and stopped giving a damn.  I can't really say I've given him much thought at all in the past year.  So, when this business went down this past week, I took it as a compliment.  Apparently, we've been quite at the forefront of his.

So, now we've got a new corp.  We're already at 96% efficiency with 7 capital kills.  When I finally get home, I'll be moving my toons over and will be going right back to business.  That's what we do.  So far, I am pleased to see the massive support of I.Law's members quickly joining up under our new banner.  Thanks for not taking this to heart.  I continue to be proud of all of our members.

So, I am writing this largely to say that we aren't going anywhere.  We aren't letting this get to us.  And, to Sab0tag3, allow me to say this:  Merry Christmas.  You have my deepest sympathy, and I hope you do well in your future endeavors, even if those endeavors continue to be mean-spirited attempts to ruin my Eve gameplay. 

To everyone else, have a wonderful holiday.  I look forward to being able to return to logging in sometime in the next few days. 


Monday, December 10, 2012


I feel like a cheater. I have, for over four years, been married happily to this wondrous game, Eve Online. Ok, so we took a trial separation in 2010, but, otherwise, our marriage has been strong. Then fall 2012 hit and I have been running around behind Eve's back. I have a mistress or two. And I am red with shame.

Real life and Guild Wars 2. These are the harlots that have stolen me away on many a night. Real life demands my time. RL is a greedy, clingy bitch of a mistress. I would leave her but she blackmails me with my future. Guild Wars 2 dazzles me by placing no demands on me at all. She tempts me with her laissez faire.

I confess this in hopes it can bring me some slight absolution, and perhaps Eve and I can repair our broken relationship.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012


So, these past few weeks have seen a dramatic increase in the number of Amarr in fleets. We have also had a number of impressive victories (cruiser fleet annihilating a smaller bc fleet taking 0 losses. Yes, we outnumbered you, but still, 0 losses?). This is likely to continue. I.LAW is actively recruiting and at a pace that I am constantly amazed by. It seems every time I log on I am asked to weigh in on approving an applicant. This pleases me. I.LAW has grown from a small group of ~10 to nearly 100 members. We are about to break into battleclinic's top 500 corps. Considering our meager beginnings, this is an accomplishment. I attribute it to a culture of inclusivity, patience, and a vast wealth of experience and knowledge.

So, is this a self-aggrandizing post to massage my own ego?

Hmm...yeah, I guess so.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Not Really Down or Out

A lot has been said regarding morale. A lot has been said regarding the Amarr. Claims have been made that we are a beaten force. That we are a ragtag bunch of demoralized players obstinately clinging to the memory of a playstyle desecrated and systematically and brutally sodomized to death by a ghastly bag of winner take all game mechanics. I take exception to these claims.

It is true that we are outnumbered. In terms of active players logged in at US primetime, it is common to see double digit numbers in Militia chat, compared to average 200+ in Minmatar. It is true that we fundamentally haven't made a strong territorial push in some time. It is true that mechanics have been skewed out of our favor. We have taken some haymaker punches.

I don't feel that we are even remotely beaten. We recently gained Agony. Fweddit and others who left for Caldari are back in our warzone. Our pilots log on night after night, eager to fight. For a while now, there was a sense of alienation from system sov. I feel like this must be temporary. The Amarr are more unified, cohesive, and brimming with potential than they have been in ages.

So, don't count us out. And, in the off chance that some non-fw pilot reads this, come join Amarr. You will unlikely fly with a cooler bunch of people. Forget easy mode. Come here and prove your mettle. Here, we play on Hardcore.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Happy Birthday to I.LAW

So, Almity reminded me of this tonight.  It has been one year now since the bunch of us left KotMC and formed the awesome group that is Imperial Outlaws.  Looking back on this past year, it's shocking how it both went by ridiculously fast, and also how it's very difficult for me to really remember EVE before these guys. 

When I.LAW formed up, I was surprised to get invited to be a director by Shalee and Eran.  I was not a big deal or anything, and in KotMC, I never really was sure if I fit in or not.  I certainly liked most of the people, but wasn't really sure how I was recieved or whatever.  So, naturally, I was really surprised to find I was not only welcome in I.LAW, but that I was being called to do more than just be there.

So, I had to think it over, but I made a critical decision that has shaped what I've become in this game.  I've had a wonderful opportunity to help shape a small community into what is, without a doubt, one of the most enjoyable group of people I could ever hope to get to know.  Somehow, we manage to attract cool people, and we cultivate an environment of fun and a pretty large helping of expertise. 

A lot has happened in the past year.  Being called all kinds of nasty things by both sides for our controversial move to Otosela, and then to Egghelende later on.  Being set KOS by CVA at some point because of our NBSI policies (which didn't cause the end of the world after all).  Having to deal with being locked out of almost every station in FW.  Having to deal with being outnumbered and then being called whiners.  Generally speaking, we've persevered quite nicely, and we've adapted.

There have been some rough times and some tempers have run high.  That nasty corp theft bullshit, for one example.  Almity gets a bit cranky from time to time, though we still love him.  Interestingly enough though, Shalee is the glue that holds it all together.  Almity is the fighter.  Shalee is the glue.  Me, I'm the comic relief and that chill dude in the corner saying, "Hey man.  It'll be alright."  So, if you haven't ever gotten to know us, you probably should.  Why?  Because we're awesome.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Frigate Fun

I have been logging on for a lot shorter periods lately. School, work, marriage, and Borderlands 2 have kept me busy. So, I haven't been involved in any of the LNA bashes. Instead, I have been enjoying a lot of tiny frig solo or two man roams. Surprisingly, I haven't been shorted. It has been some of the best fun I have had in ages.

Merlins, Punishers, Incursi. Sure, I die more. But who gives a shit? I still rake in a steady supply of kills. And I don't have to deal with LNA. Good trade.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Wifflin' With the Brickbat

So, last night, with no official fleet, a few of us rolled around Siseide blappin what we could. I lost a corm to pirates and a ruppy to lolfrigs, and decided to try something different: my punisher, fitted out in the style I now call the Asshat Brickbat. What followed was a killing spree.

Wolf couldn't kill it. Firetail couldn't escape. My Brickbat busted minnie ass like wiffle balls all over Siseide. I do want to say thanks to the minnies we killed, though. Good sports about it.

Oh, and I have rekindled my love for the Punisher.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

OMG Promo!

So, Blink has taken over Eve. I admit that I am a Somer Blink addict. My corp seems to have similarly caught this affliction, and now during our nightly roams it is common to hear that single word that derails comms for the next five minutes: Promo!

I can't complain though. Blink has funded my pvp, gotten me a carrier and a dread, as well as a few other choice items I would not have otherwise. So, in the absence of good solid pvp, Blink has taken over Eve.

Saturday, September 1, 2012


So, I've been a bit quiet lately. This is partly because school started back up and I have far less free time. This is also because very little of note has happened.

We still go out in fleets, but the choices seem to be roam around and sigh in frustration at the uncatchable shit, or suicide into the massive LNA fleet du jour. Sadly, we start off with the former and end the night with the latter and groan at the Minmatar's proclamations of superiority.

I have been reading other blogs and getting a feel for what is coming, but, at this point, I don't see any of it honestly mattering. Honest, good, amazing fights are what I want. What I get is far short of that mark.

Can I realky blame LNA for having more numbers? Can I blame them for using them? Can I blame them for not feeling like they should gimp themselves? No. No, I blame Inferno for making this an ISK printing machine. I blame the "crush them" attitude it engendered.

Anyway, I'll keep hoping for a better FW, but, the current iteration, and possibly the next, give little hope for a return to pvp being the real focus of fw.

Saturday, August 25, 2012


So, I am a little late posting this, but better than never.

Recently, an asston of peeps fled Amarr militia to go seek greener pastures. Some were not surprising (Nulli, Fweddit). Others were (FATE, Moar Tears.

What remains is a large chunk of 24IC, newcomers Agony, a rough collection of small corps I hadn't heard of until this week, and old friends TMFED and I.LAW. (If I left anyone out, well, oops.)

So, outnumbered: check.

So, what sort of prospects do the Amarr face? Well, oddly enough, there have been several good fights. On the other hand, several roams have ended with disappointment at the ridiculous amount of stab/cloak/mwd shit out there. Few engage, most flee. It doesn't feel like we are down and out.

Of course, LNA and company do occasionally bring lolwtf fleets, but, it looks like fights will not be going away and that is what's important, really. Not sov, not LP. Blappin shit in the face. That's what it's about.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Retrospection: I.LAW, FW, KotMC

I came to FW back in 2011, early in the year. My corp in null-sec was breaking away from TNT and moving elsewhere, so a lot of people began looking for something new. I had a RL friend in KotMC, so I put in an app and moved the three ships I still owned down to Amarr.

KotMC was a warm and inviting atmosphere and I gave RP a try. PvP was essential to the corp and in this way, I managed to make friends with Shalee, Almity, Eran, etc. When KotMC fell apart, I wasn't sure where I was going or what I was going to do.

Shalee and Eran extended an invitation for me to join the fledgling Imperial Outlaws as a Director. I am a bit of a narcissist, and the idea of helping shape an FW corp from the beginning appealed to me. As our starting roster began to fill up, I knew we had a great thing going. Almity, Eran, Shalee, Phione, Kato, Czech, etc. And Sab0tag3, who will probably be KoS forever. We wanted to do things differently. So we did. A year later, we're in the top 900 all time corps on battleclinic. We consistently win fights. We've gone up against TEST. And most importantly, we have fun. I am very proud of what we've become.

Flash to the present.

In the post-Inferno world of FW, a lot of people seem to have begun to fixate on the economics of it all. They fixate on LP and ISK and some mythical concept of money=1337 skills. I am one of the poorest bastards in Amarr militia, btw, so I must suck at EVE.

The latest news in FW is that Fweddit is Caldari and Moar Tears will be too. Admittedly, this puts the rest of us in a position some might call dire. I personally feel that it is only dire if you care about sov or ISK. If the goal is to have fun, well,then the situation need not be dire at all.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

The Joys of Tier 4 or How I Missed the Party and Went Broke

So, I'm sure a bunch of you have already read about Amarr's slightly abortive run at T4/T5 from that unassailable pillar of journalistic integrity, Susan Black. Well, my story is a little different, largely in that it is true.

I found out about the cashout about 48 hours before it happened. I was at work for around 20 of those and asleep for about 10. I was at work when Amarr hit T4. I came home to find us bouncing back and forth between T3/T4. Naturally, I tried to cash in as much as possible. However, I only had 80 million ISK to use as capital, and LP cashout does require initial investing. So, I managed a miniscule cashout overall. I missed the party. RL sucks sometimes.

A few things worth noting, though. Nulli basically pulled a null-sec move and said, "We got what we wanted." and bounced out. Can't blame them and I am not surprised. Most folks I talk to are already sick of this plexing bullshit.

Second thing of note: all the minnies ever talk about anymore is ISK. There is a reason for this. They can't brag about thier combat victories, because they're too busy carebearing to have any. They can't talk about anything but carebearing because that's all they do anymore.

Me, well, I may have had a disappointing payout, but whatever. Only reason I am even talking about this shit is to counter other posts. Truthfully, Amarr would rather pew pew than give a fuck about plexing.

Symbiosis vs. D*ck-Stomping

Lately, a conversation or two have caused me some concern.

There are those in Amarr FW who have voiced a desire not only to win, but to damage the minmatar to the point they stop logging on. This was not said in a joking manner but in a very serious discussion. He was not alone in this viewpoint. I can only surmise that there are similar individuals in the minmatar faction.

This blog is not meant to be kind or gentle. It is meant to be crass. So, my response on voice comms was calm and measured and fair. Here, well, not so much. If you, the reader, hold the above opinion, please try to remember that this is internet spaceships and if you all rage on me, not only will I not give a fuck, but I will take it as a compliment.

That out of the way, here is my response: Are you fucking serious? If, per chance, we were able to stomp minmatar dick to the point they need prozac to continue living, what then? Shoot gallente? Fuck that. We're Amarr. We shoot minnies. Gallente are just a side of chicken with my juicy fuckin waffles. (For those who think chicken is the main event: you are crazy and I cannot help you).

The reality is, FW is a symbiotic system. It is a disequilibrious system in which each side strives to win, but for the most part is best when near a dynamic equilibrium. Those are fancy ways of saying that FW is best when both sides are out shooting each other and are relatively equal in power projection. Amarr NEEDS Minmatar, and vice versa.

So, while I enjoy killing them in space and find several to be absolute douche-canoes, I understand intrinsically that stomping thier dicks TOO fiercely and savagely is counter to my desire to continue ROFLstomping them in space. Blow up thier ships. Don't destroy thier desire to play.

This message brought to you by Nicolai's Methamphetamine Lollipops. Now in exciting Strung Out Strawberry!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Today's Patch

So, I log on today to the sound of lots of praise for the new patch.  Let me go ahead and add my own. 

Nicely done, CCP.  Not that any of you wonderful peeps read my shit.  But, still, thanks.  You managed not to piss off any of the people I talk to on a regular basis with a patch.  That's an accomplishment.  So, I'll cover a few highlights and then get on to making fun of something, b/c that's what I do.

Big thumbs up goes to the new fittings rollover mouse thingy.  Not b/c I needed to be able to see it when I roll my mouse over but because there's finally a place you can read the range of your missiles.  Why this didn't happen sooner is a complete mystery to me, but, it's here now, and I am pleased.  Which is what CCP cares being pleased. *rolls eyes*

Frigates got repurposed?  I'm not sure how I feel about this, actually.  I mean, on the one hand, mining frigates were pretty much pointless.  On the other hand...  now I see these Tormentors and Slashers everywhere.  WTF?  Stop it.

Apparently, some modules got love too?  The T2 armor plates are finally worth using, and as usual, the price tag has skyrocketed.  Sell orders upwards of 9 million have appeared in Jita.  The ECM t2 mods are still not significantly better than their meta 4 counterparts however, and all my ECM homies are sad pandas now.

Anyways, I guess overall I'm saying good job.  CCP managed not to make me cry. 

Now, can my Kitsune get some love?

Friday, August 3, 2012

Pve Pwnage, Blog Dramas, etc

So, I missed a lot while I was away.  Nulli Secunda arrived.  30 some odd systems went vulnerable.  Amarr took Kourmonen (this made me smile while also making me sad, since I wasn't here for it). 

While it sounds like I'm beating a dead horse repeatedly in the head with a baseball bat, I am still shocked at how strangely carebearish FW has become.  There's still the crazy chestbeating.  But, now it's about PVE shit.  This just saddens me.  I had a local-trolling conversation with SilenceIkillyou earlier (I am certain I mispelled that name, but whatevs).  He made some statements (mostly lol statements, I imagine) about Huola's major selling points.  All of these were financial ones.  When did that become EVERYTHING.  I mean, honestly, when did fights become unimportant and LP become everything?  I spend 90% of my time broke as hell, and I don't mind most of it because I'm getting kills and flying around in fleets loving the hell out of it.  Carebears everywhere nowadays.  It's an infection!   Like Herpegonosyphillitis of the earlobe, but worse.

In the realm of the more hilarious, Susan wrote a blog post that was ludicrously funny (to me). 

This blog made me smile.  Seriously.  And for good reason.  It makes reference to Amarr FW being fweddit's nerd paradise.  Then further down it states fweddit has had little to no impact at all on Amarr FW.  Which is it?  Contradictions abound.  Then there's a false dichotomy where Nulli's arrival can only result in two possible outcomes (come on!  You talk about Locke and shit but don't remember basic logical fallacies?). 

There's some garbage about Minmatar being awesome or something, and some statements about Amarr having no credibility, which is HILARIOUS.  Really, I don't get why people got mad.  This is obviously a joke post, right?  RIGHT?

Anyway, so, Shalee Lianne wrote a response that highlighted some of the same silliness I just did, and so, Susan responded with a funnier response: WAAAAAHHHHH

I died a little inside.  She was being serious?  Times like this, I'm just stoked to be a troll.  Susan, darling, just calm down and laugh more.  Further, be a troll.  Wear it with pride.  Don't deny it.  I don't.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Long Time, No Post

I'm taking this moment to say "Sorry" to all my readers (yes, like, all twelve of you).  I haven't written in a little while and I didn't even give any sort of warning ahead of time.  I probably should have.  For those who weren't in the know, I have been out of town for the past week or so.  I headed out to San Diego for a wedding and have been so busy going from one thing to the next out here that I hadn't gotten around to sitting down and writing anything at all.  Now I'm sitting in a hotel in Los Angeles watching the Olympics.  Women's soccer. 

So, I logged onto Eve last night to discover the Amarr have been VERY busy while I was away.  A gazillion vulnerable systems, and last night, we took Kourmonen.  Holy shit.  Of course this would happen while I was away.  So, in addition to explaining my absence, I felt I should go ahead and say good job guys.  I am certain the Minmatar will try to cheapen it and say it's because of some sort of null-sec assistance.  My response is: pfttttttt!

Anywho, I'll be back on Eve more here in a few days.  Keep fighting the good fight.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Carebear Stare!

Seems nowadays, whenever we go out fleeting, it is either a draught or a rorrential fuckin biblical flood. There's no middle ground. Last night, we roamed and roamed and found about jack shit as far as war targets. When we do encounter them, it is either one or two lonely targets or an omgwtfbbqfleet of epic proportions. This is pretty rare nowadays. Seems like the minnies have been replaced with carebears who do nothing but run missions in bombers and vigils in search of magical LP. What happened to you guys? Seems like you all sold out. You turned into squishy cuddly carebears who only seem to wanna fight about twice a week. Stop that carebear crap and come play FW like a boss. Actually pvp.

Sunday, July 15, 2012


Last night, whilst trolling the wonderful Late Nite guys who seemed to think camping high sec gates was better than fighting our gang, Silence was nice enough to tell me and Almity that, by virtue of our living in Egg, we can't comment. Well, apparently, I can, because I am. Some folks seem to think I.LAW's move to Egg was some sort of retreat. Not really. It is a very short trip to Huola. In fact, I spend very little time in Egg. Most of my time is spent in fleets down by Kourm and as far away as upper Metro or Kurn/Sahtogas. I am out in fleets looking to fight minnies. I was out doing that very thing last night. Sadly, they seemed more interested in ganking haulers on the Otelen gate. So, what's my comment? Well, apparently the LNA peeps think that if you live in a system, you aren't supposed to leave it. Hence why I seldom see them further than 4 jumps from Huola. Get out more, my agoraphobic friends. It is amazing what happens when you do.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Clean Out Yer Ears

So, there is apparently some confusion on the Minmatar side.  I figure I'll use this opportunity to try to make things less, well, confusing. 

Susan Black recently reported that Amarr were going to be ditching and fleeing over to the Caldari Warzone.  Well, she's half-right.  Which I suppose is an improvement over her usual accuracy.  Susan's Inaccurate Post

What's actually going to happen?  Well, my corporation, Imperial Outlaws, will be switching to Caldari Militia in an entirely financially motivated move.  We will not, however, be moving to the Caldari/Gallente warzone.  Why?  Well, because, that would be silly.  We'll stay down here and continue to do what we always do, except we'll be getting paid better.  So, again, since it's apparently still unclear, we'll be staying in the Amarr/Minmatar warzone. 

Susan, in her usual, fair, balanced, and non-chest-beating way, posted a wonderful summary of last weekend in which Minnies hit T5 and cashed in for LOL-ISK. (Lame-sauce Weekend) Of course, it left out the ROFLSTOMPING that they'd been getting in Late Nite TZ, which is really funny, since they're Late Nite Alliance and I hardly ever see them anymore during their eponymous time zone.  Should they consider changing their name to Late Dock Alliance?  Or perhaps, Let's Not Attack.  They could keep the same ticker then.  Lame Nerds Alliance?   Interestingly, the highlight of MY weekend: Bahamut's Archon  did not make it into her weekend summary at all!  *GASP*  So much for honest journalism.  I mean, my writing is totally biased and slanted, but, that's totally intentional and I don't think I ever stated otherwise. 

Actually, I'm mostly appalled that her description of the weekend mentioned nothing about fighting at all.  It was all about ISK and LP and how the Minmatar are totally better than Amarr because they are making more money.  I lol'd in my cheerios.  Then, of course, there's the mention of how Goons didn't help them make T5 this time.  Then I had to stop laughing.  You guys aren't serious, right?  You're fucking kidding me, right?  This is a joke, yes? 

Allow me to explain why this "the goons didn't do it" line is a load of horse shit.  Okay, so, the Goons dump loads of LP into the system.  The Amarr struggle to take these systems and drop to T1.  The Minnies sit on T3-T4 and think they're the ones making it happen.  Meanwhile, they cash in their LP occasionally for ISK.  The Goons back out of the minnies.  The Amarr make some gains and drop Minnies to T2-T3.  Now, here's the thing.  The Minnies ALREADY HAVE A MOUNTAIN OF LP at this point.   So, of course, by dumping LP into the system, LP you already had, and upgrading the majority of systems YOU ALREADY HAD, then yes, T4 was easily maintainable.  Combine this with the Amarr steadily running dry on ISK and losing their desire to even care anymore, and yes, the Minnies gained T5, while piggybacking on the massive inroads the goons had already gained them.  Sorry, Minnies, but you did this BECAUSE OF GOONS.  

Well, not entirely.  You also did it because most of us figure, why take a system and give you more LP to take it back?

Which brings me to my next point: Poetic's Suggestion.

Take a moment to read that.  It's interesting, and frankly, it makes my response much more understandable.  My response: Fuck that.  Oh, and clean out yer ears.

We don't want your self-imposed reset.  We'll take back the warzone when we're good and ready.  And clean out yer ears.  Why?  Because there's more mention of us fleeing to Caldari warzone.  I'll say it again: WE'RE STAYING, just with different LP store and uniforms.

Now, before the almost certain round of  "You mad, bro?" comments, I'll simply say: yes.  Totally.  I'm fuming.  I'm gonna blow up in a fit of rage and stab 47 koalas to death.  And then poo on the Liberty Bell.

Of course I'm not mad.  This is a game.  And I am totally a trolling bastard who likes to go off on rants.  However, I do feel part of what I do is to dispel bullshit.  And believe me, folks, there's no shortage of that around here. 

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Minnies and Thier New Groove

These past few nights have been great. The Minnies have unleashed thier grand new strategy: running full speed into a brick wall repeatedly. I get online a bit late in the US TZ. Around 9-10 CST. I usually play 2-4 hours a night. I have gotten 84 kills already this month. My efficiency for July is over 99%. Why is this? Well, lemme tell you. The first reason is a little system called Arayar. It went vulnerable and the Minnies tried weakly to capture it. Our fleet kept crashing them and blapping what we could. And they kept coming, haphazardly. Eventually, they brought a rather large force, and, yet again, we bitchsmacked the hell out of them. Then, last night, in Kourm/Kamela/Kam, shit got real. We had a rolling fight on Kourm/Huola gate that left me exhausted. They just kept coming and we just kept swatting. Fweddit lost a lot of thrashers. The Minnies lost cruisers, bcs, a domi, a heretic, and others. It was glorious. So, I want to say, thank you Minnies for the delicious kills. I also wanna give a special shout out to Kevin, a neutral in a 3.4 billion isk scorp navy who generously allowed us to blap his brains out on Kourm gate in Huola. I made 120 mil off of you, and my stats for July are now way in the green. Much love.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

A Long Slow Breath

So, I haven't written a post on here for a few days, and I guess it's about time I did (although some folks probably wish I would just stop already).  Here's basically what's been going on:

Amarr plexed Kourmonen pretty high and then, well, somewhere along the line the momentum got lost and the Minnies showed up and were able to stop that from happening.  After a week or so of plexing, I got pretty tired of it and have been doing other things since then. 

What have I been doing, you ask (you probably didn't ask, but, the joy of writing blogs is that I'm going to tell you anyway)?  Well, I've been out and about killing things, including a wonderful special gang the other night where we generally just magically bridged onto anything and everything we could find simply for the sake of doing so.  It was a lot of fun, honestly, so thanks to my wonderful Fweddit fwends for letting me tag along on that.  I promise, I'll bring a better ship next time :).  I love hopping through your space hole, so, hop through mine sometime.

I also have been wearing my pointy wizard hat a lot lately.   Yeah, that's right.  I'm the nerdiest of the nerds.  I RP.  And not just in a kinky way with the wife.  I do EVE RP.  So, yeah.  (Not even joking, I do have a bag of DnD dice that I never use).  Been RP-ing a LOT.  And, tbh, after the nonstop crap that's been going down in the warzone, I needed a little relaxing e-drama. 

I love that picture.  Although, it does give me flashbacks...

Anyways, keep killing each other, folks.  It's really what it's all about anyway, right?

Friday, June 29, 2012

We Divided by Zero and Broke the Interwebs

So, last night in Kamela, I got to experience my first bit of what CCP calls 'Time Dilation.'  So, TiDi came about as an answer to lag.  See, when a lot of people show up to kill each other, it's a huge load on the server.  This causes lag, and everyone gets to sit and wonder if they are already dead or not.  In TiDi, everything moves really really slow, and you get to wonder if you're about to be dead or not.  So, see, CCP's answer to lag was to give you lag with a cool name.  (lol).  Before I get angry mails telling me I'm a total nub and how TiDi is totally different from lag, allow me to reiterate the purpose of this blog: I am here to mock, parody, and generally troll.  So, please, treat this site like the Colbert Report, but with less journalistic integrity.

Anyways, the fight was quite enjoyable.  Thanks to all the people who called me primary first thing.  I was flattered and Almity was grateful (you guys primary that guy constantly).  Now, of course, it is important to point out that the Minmatar were gracious enough to let us kill three of their protei, two muninns, a guardian, and some other stuff.  Yeah, they let us.  Just like they let us take three systems.  See, they didn't want those protei, or hacs or whatever.  So, thanks Minmatar for the gift!  I always appreciate it.  For those who like to see battle reports: Kamela

Anywho, was a fun night.  I hope the minnies continue to be so generous.  Maybe they'll be nice enough to derp a few archons or something?  An officer fit Tengu would be fantastic....

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Minmatar's 1337 Status

So, basically, this past week or two, light has been shed on how the Minnies have been doing so well in this war.

At first, Susan was happy to tell us it was their superior coordination and unity.  lol.  What a load of horseshit!  In perhaps the most unsurprising and completely unnewsworthy of news ever: The Minnies are shooting each other!  Wow!  What an amazing strategy.  The coordination and unity required to pull that  /golfclap

Further, with the removal of their Goonswarm pimps (yes, their pimps), the minmatar warzone control dropped to t2 for a few.  Damn, that must've sucked.  They've since poured enough LP into their systems since then that they regained T4, but only just barely.  That shit is hella expensive, ain't it?

Further, Susan will tell you that we currently are out there running in fleets of 80 and that somehow they suddenly are outnumbered and leeroying and such.  This is totally accurate.  She will then tell you we are the ones still whining.  While I'm sure a few are, I can assure you, those self-aggrandizing things she calls blog posts are actually full of whine.  You just have to know how to read it.

So, to recap, the minmatar have been winning because:

1) They are way more unified than us. So unified that they are in fact killing each other.

2) They had Goonswarm pimps setting them up with nice digs. 

3) They have moral superiority.  *cough cough*

Ta-da!  Well, it has to be at least one of those right? 

Monday, June 25, 2012

Ah, Patch Day

So, I haven't written in a few days.  This is because (startling revelation) I have a life outside of Eve.  Yes.  It's true.  I admit it.  See, strangely enough, five years ago, I managed to somehow get a girl to go stand in front of a bunch of people and promise to stay with me and shit.  That's right.  I convinced some chick to marry me.  And, somehow, via voodoo or mind control or amazing drugs, I have managed to keep her around for five years.  So, in celebration of this achievement, we went out for a dinner and stuff.  That explains Saturday.  Sunday, I worked myself like crazy and then got on late at night and was way too busy flying all over the place and RP-ing (b/c I do that, what of it?) to write anything. 

So, here's a recap of shit that has been going on the last 48 hours that I haven't gotten to writing about yet.

1) Plex bug: So, CCP apparently fixed it.  Don't know if it's true or not.  I've been patching for what seems like 2 decades now and am only at 78%.  I'll let you know when I find out.  What I am certain of is that we didn't capture a particular system last night because of this stupid bug.  I'm also certain that it's about fuckin time somebody got around to it.

2) Susan Black keeps writing.  I don't know why this is.  Apparently she has a readership.  This shouldn't surprise me.  National Enquirer has a readership.  Stephanie Meyer, for reasons I will never fathom, has one as well.  So, I guess I just have to accept that there must be something about her writing that people enjoy.  I only recently learned her blog is not meant to be funny.  I thought we both were writing humor columns.  Imagine my shock!

3) Twitter.  Twitter.  Twitter.  Lovin it.

4) This blog has been getting a lot of views.  However, after comparing with Almity, I've learned that apparently, if I want to get a lot of pageviews, I need to insult a community leader of some sort in a very blatant and possibly obscene way.  His Hans post and apology got a combined 800+ views.  My total views to this point is 338.  Go figure.

5) Based on the above: Die in a fire Galdornae. (Let's watch the page count swirl)

Apparently, the minnies are now shooting at each other?  This is just hilarious to me since for the past few months I've had to listen to all the minnies telling me how they are cooperating and unified and besties and blah blah blah blah BULLSHIT.  So, when I found out they had started wardeccing each other, I did the Carlton.

Then I found out that apparently there are issues between the Caldari and the Amarr.  So, I guess nobody can be friends in this game.

Anyways, that's all for now.  Keep tuned. 

Friday, June 22, 2012

Crazy Day

So, today has been a bit on the insane side.  First, there was the craziness with Almity's blog post about Hans Jagerblitzen which incited the overwhelming internet wraths of apparently everyone (actually, I guess like 5 people? I'm not sure.  It's been unclear).  Part of this is my fault.  I jokingly mentioned on vent last night that we should start calling it "Being a Hans" when someone is being a douche.  Oops.  I thought it was kind of funny.  After all the e-drama that stirred up, I think it's fuckin hilarious.  However, it's also been brought to my attention that it was the allegations of meta-gaming and vile disgusting cheating that got peeps so heated.  So, I guess it wasn't really my fault.  However, as I've stated, I'm a narcissist and I desperately need it to be about me.  So.  Yeah.  All my fault.  Anyway, you can read all that good stuff at the following links:

The one that started it (like the Lusitania):

The one that got all mad and stuff (without any bias or generalizations at all!!):

The Shalee Peacemaker Response (It's Geneva!):

The Almity Apology (Treaty of Versailles?  Weimar Republic?):

The Susan Black Acknowledgement of the Apology for No Apparent Reason (Japan involved in WW1 surrender talks??):

Wow.  Lotta stuff.  And it's all so damn serious and important and stuff.  BIG GRIN.

I'm actually not entirely without shame.  I mean, let's face it.  We're internet spaceship enemies, but in all truth, I don't have much against anybody in this game (except the ones who are complete douches to me for no real reason, and even then, I generally get over it pretty quickly).  So, for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why everyone got all heated over this.

Okay, so, now onto the not so important news:  GOONS!! (  Doing bad things!!!!  Cue the evil maniacal laughter and creepy music played on an old organ.

So, in a completely unexpected move totally outside of the Goons' normal operating method (yes, this was totally not anything like what they ALWAYS do), they apparently gamed the shit out of FW to make a billion gajillion trillion zillion and a half ISK, and totally kept the Minmatar at high warzone control levels for like, well, the entire time warzone control levels have existed!  Wow!  That's totally not like those decent mild-mannered null-sec gentlemen at all.  I mean, they never go out and purposefully try to mess up a chunk of the Eve populace's day whilst simultaneously netting a ridiculously sinful amount of ISK.  Not THEM!  (lol.  I can't even keep a straight face while I'm writing this).

Okay, but now for a moment of seriousness....  BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

No, but it is terrible.  I mean, it kinda is.  At the same time though, I can't really get all that upset about it.  I mean, it's a horrible abuse of the mechanics, but, it's not like Goons wrote the damn code.  I'm not sure half of them can even read to be honest.  So, yeah, I'm not terribly surprised.

Now for actual serious: It's my 5 year anniversary of being married this weekend.  Yay!

Also, I'm giving thought to possibly running for CSM next year.  Gimme feedback.  Good idea?  Bad idea?  Worst idea since like, um, that guy who attached a jet engine to his truck and crashed it into the side of a cliff?

Also, just so you know:

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Gimme Mo Moneys

So, apparently, minnies can't be arsed to defensively plex for free.  Every time I check Susan Black's blog nowadays it's more and more "Gimme LP" rants.  Seriously, you have enough.

All that aside, I gotta say, keep bringing the fights.  I have lotsa love for delicious killmails.  As much as I disagree with certain elements of Inferno, I can't deny, it's breathed new life into the world of faction warfare in Eve Online.  CCP, you did well, even though you fucked it all up.  Good job, you assholes.  Seriously, thanks, damn you.

Also, for those who wondered, I still can't get my dic in a medium.  #manproblems

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

My Saber...Poor Saber

So, tonight, I finally got my brand new shiny Saber blooded.  I logged on to find that we had a fleet up and running and they began to fight.  So, I undocked and began to make my way toward where I figured the fleet was.  Yeah, that's right.  I hadn't even heard the location.  I just heard "Kam Gate."  So, I figured Kourmonen.  I was totally right!  Yeah.  So, I hear all these primaries getting called and shit, and I'm like, "Damn.  I ain't gonna make it."  Totally made it.  And I made it in time to get in on killing Bahamut420's armageddon (nice).  Then I managed to lock down Baha's pod and kill it (also fun, but not very blingy).  The minnies came back from this in a lol-fleet of BS's.  So, we chilled for a few and went down to Labapi to play on some d-plexes. 

This is when I learned something crazy.  I tried to enter an Amarr Outpost (a medium plex).  I was denied entry.  Yeah.  Apparently, my DIC is too big (I always suspected).  Ships that can get into Amarr Outpost include: Omen, Omen Navy Issue, SFI, Thorax, Vigilant, Ashimmu.   Ships that can't: Ragnarok, Archon, Revelation, Revenant, oh, and Saber.  Because, again, my DIC is huge.  Enormous, apparently.  You might even call it gargantuan.  My DIC is GIGANTIC!

Okay, but seriously, this is just nuts.  I can take a Cynabal in there but not a Saber???  CCP: WTF?

Oh, and Saber died to super Gila of doom flown by Galdornae.  That shit was tanked like a baws.  I only mention this because Galdoranae, much like my Saber, is a HUGE DIC.  lol.  I'm just joking, buddy.

Anywho, sign this post (comment, bitches), sorta like a petition, so that CCP can loosen up those mediums so us guys with HUGE DICs can get in.  Yeah, lay off the internet spaceship kegels, CCP.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The FW Antarctic

So, the FW zone is like the antarctic.  You have a lot of barren ass wasteland, and each type of critter has it's own purpose.

There are the penguins.  These are like the occasional neutrals rolling through in badger mkIIs and Iterons, and other squishy shit.  Often, much like penguins, which are fat oily disgusting birds, and essentially nature's bowling pins, these bastards are well dressed and shiny.  Other times, they're just like oily chickens.  Stupid carebear penguins.

Then there are the Sea Lions.  These are also fat oily bastards.  These are the minmatar.  They're fat nasty oily bastards with big nasty whiskers who like to eat penguins.  Yeah.  Oily penguins.

Then there's the polar bears...wait, no.  Those are in the arctic.  Damn.  Wait, come to think of it, the Minmatar savannah/serengeti analogy was full of similar issues too.  Horses?  Thoroughbred horses?  On the serengeti?  Really?  But, no, no polar bears.

Um, so, the  We're  We're like angry whalers on PCP.  We shoot the sea lions, but sometimes we club the penguins.  And we hump polar bears.  Wait.  There aren't any polar bears.  Okay, we don't hump those.  We blow up the Killer Whales though.  Who are the killer whales?  I have no idea.  This analogy makes no sense.

The end.

This has been a parody brought to you by Haijikioten brand Cigarettes.  Now in exciting children's flavors!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Some Tidbits

Okay, so, I'm going to write some shit on here that I usually have to explain on voice comms or whatever and which I feel could benefit from a wider audience (largely due to my narcissism, which is, omg, epicly overactive.  Seriously, I'm like a teenage girl.  It's all about me). 

Firstly, some have noticed that almost all of my ships have "Asshat" or "A$$hat" at the beginning of their names (oh no.  Now the minnies may know too.  I think they already suspected.).  This is a tongue in cheek sort of "fuck you" to a former corpmate who turned dickface and ran off with lots of our hard-earned moneys.  Yeah.  One of those.  At some point during his meltdown, he made a declaration stating that I am the biggest asshat in Imperial Outlaws.  Contrary to his original intent, I became immensely proud of this appelation, and gave myself the title "Supreme Asshat" and started naming my ships with that prefix.  It's my asshat fleet. 

Secondly, there's a rather popular story for storytime during fleets.  This is, I swear to the flying fuckin spaghetti monster or whatever, a true story.  So, without further ado (unless you want some), here's the Llama story:

I was about 15 or 16 (fuck if I can remember).  So, I had stayed the night at my friend's house, which was on a big ass farm with like, chickens and cows and shit.  Most importantly, those dudes had llamas.  Yeah, they had two of them hairy ass split lip camel-looking mofos.  So, I'm sitting at breakfast eating some fuckin frosted flakes or lucky charms or whatever the hell it was, and dude says to me, "Hey man.  Wanna go pet the llamas?"  I'm like, "Sure.  Why not?"

So, we go down to this big ass pasture with a wooden fence and all that, and there's these two big ass llamas.  One's white and one's black.  The white one's named 'kisser' and the black one was some normal shit like 'steve' or 'phillip.'  Anyway, we hop the fence and start petting them.  My friend says, "Whatever you do, don't let them get behind you."  I just sorta nodded and went back to petting the black one.  Before I knew it, I'd broken the only damn rule of llama petting. 

Suddenly, two fuckin hoofs or whatever llamas have suddenly appeared over my shoulders and I felt a sharp pain in my lower back.  Yeah.  Kisser made me his bitch, prison style.  So, I did about what you'd expect at this point.  I screamed like a little girl and ran.  Of course, in the heat of the moment, I didn't really look to see where I was running.  Instead of going the fifteen feet to the fence behind me, I took off running the 150 yards to the other side of the pasture.  I'm freaking the fuck out and this llama is gaining on me, Pepe LaPew style.  He's just frollicking and shit behind me and I'm running myself ragged as shit trying to outrun a 500 lb love machine.

Well, in my haste and fear, I wasn't watching where I was going.  I tripped and fell into a shallow ditch, and ole Kisser the love-llama comes to a screeching halt and rears back and paws at the air like horses do in the damn movies.  I think I pissed myself about this point.  Anyway, I'm not a physicist, but I could tell those damn hooves or whatever were gonna smash my brain goo out the back of my skull like mashed potatoes if I didn't do something.  So, the Indiana Jones music played in my head and I got all inspired and rolled like a boss to the side.  Fuckin hooves or whatever go smashing into the dust right next to my face and I'm totally freaking the hell out again.  I mean, eyeballs the size of dinnerware.  So, I scream again, like a girl, again.  But, the llama's had enough.  He goes running back and starts humping the other llama instead, while I run to the other fence and hyperventilate. 

That's the story.  Hope you enjoyed it.

Another Day

So, I guess I'll hop on the train here and start writing OOC fw stuff.  Generally speaking, I'm not as angry as most where all these new changes are concerned.  I mean, yeah, it sucks having to hold my pee for six jumps to find a station to dock up in.  Three UTIs later, I'm learning to plan better.  Also, my HE laundry detergent got rid of the stains, thanks for asking.

Seriously, though, it's been an interesting transition.  I see a lot of new faces out there in the warzone.  Some of them are friendly.  I'm diggin fweddit, who by and large are the largest corporation in Amarr FW.  Unfortunately, the minmatar still outnumber us by about 1200 pilots, and seem to be pretty active all around.  Good for them, actually. 

However, despite some disadvantages, we've begun to take some space back, and while the minnies are happy to say they let us do so, I still feel like we're accomplishing something.  We even had warzone control T2 for a little while today.  It's gone now, but it was pretty cool to see.

So, here's the thing: Join Amarr.  Seriously, join Amarr.  We need more people.  Targets are everywhere.  I mean that.  They're fuckin everywhere.  LP is currently worthless, but it's piling up and eventually, if we get enough new pilots, we'll have LP that's worth something, and we'll have a shitload of it.  Further, come on, why join the guys that already outnumber everyone and own most of the territory.  It's way more fun to take it away from that guy.  We've got some cool people over here (we've got our share of certifiable asshats too), and we tend to have a pretty good time, all things considered. 

Anyways, that's my two ISK worth for today.  I'll give more useful shit later.  Right now I'm tired and frankly, I don't know how else to start this business off.